What Your Car Says About You

#1 Gentlemen: Tesla

Nothing says upper middle class like the hottest new “it” car. You look like a sophisticated man who blends his love of adventure with great taste. Driving this car tells people that you’re smart, innovative and maybe just a little dangerous. After all, the car bears the same name as the rockstar scientist. This Cali-based car just might go down as the new American classic.

#2 Gentlemen: Rusty Jalopy

Look, we know that this economy has not been easy on anyone. You just might be driving a cheaper car "right now", but that doesn’t mean it should be falling apart. Every repair made with duct tape makes you look like you actually don’t care about life, or safety for that matter. Every rip in the upholstery is another ding to your image. Let’s not forget what the ladies will think. Your busted car looks like it’s made for a busted life. Think about it!

#3 Ladies: 3 Series BMW

This is a woman who aspires to greater things. She likes dining at nice restaurants and wearing pretty things. Of course, the BMW is more than just a bragging tool, it’s also quite practical. The 3 Series is easy to drive, comfortable, reliable, and looks great.

There may be more affordable alternatives, but the woman who drives this is does not mind paying a little more for what she likes. She’s not showing off, she's just rehearsing for the main event.

#4 Gentlemen: Chevrolet Corvette

After 45 years of hard work at the same place, it’s nice to know you’re finally ready to retire. Make sure to buy at a reasonable price and location, no Craigslist Corvette for you! Oh wait, you mean you’re not about to retire? You just want to drive this car around like it’s a normal thing to do? Sorry bro, this car isn’t practical for anybody but you’ll have earned it if you spent most of your life in the same soul-sucking workplace just to support your family’s dreams. If that’s not you, time to go car shopping.

#5 Ladies: Junky Ford Escort

You look a bit like an art student or possibly a struggling musician. Clearly you don’t have much money but you also don’t look like you care! Whatever the situation, you are most likely just starting out in life. People won't really judge you for driving a junker around because at your age, most of your peers can't really afford anything better either. Of course, the older you get, the more the paint strips and the worse the car's condition becomes, the worse it's going to look.

#6 Ladies: Mini-Cooper

You look like you might be a really big fan of The Italian Job or possibly European culture in general. You also come off as someone who wants to be good to the environment. It is your choice to be “different” so we'll give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you just think this is a really cute car and that's what got you to buy it. But is that a great excuse to buy such a small car? How many people can you possibly have with you at a time? One and a half? DO you not want a family? And why do you seem to be so convinced you're allowed to park this thing wherever you want to??